Devotion

I read this today:

Psalm 127:1-3

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

I read this today and was instantly reminded of the peace that God offers. I was reminded that to build your life without God is like building your house without a foundation. You will toil until you think your at the point of satisfaction yet it will never fully satisfy. You will toil until you think you might be close to what you want, and without a foundation the house you’ve built will fall crashing to the ground. You will eat yet you will never full. You will thrust for something yet nothing truly will even wet your lips. We are all made with a yearning for something. Its a yearning to be filled, and there is a void within us that only God can fill.

God is the bread of life and as we put our trust and faith in Him, He starts to give us rest. (John 6:35) He lies us down on green pastures and says sleep a while, while I build your house for you. Take a rest from your anxious toil, there is never a need to be anxious.

He feeds us with His words of truth, wisdom, peace, and sweet love. His grace for our lives is like a circle, its endless and will never cease.

There is no need to stay awake lying in torment over things in this life when God is our Watchman. What better watchman than the one who sees all things? How much safer could we possibly be except in the arms of the one who created us all?

With Him, we have peace, and the power to overcome the things of this world. With Him we can live a life of freedom built on a foundation of solid rock. He has a promise for our lives, a purpose for our work, and a Joyful reward in the end. He has a life built already for us, a promised world in which no tears exist, we will run and not get weary, we will be like the angels in Heaven. If we truly seek for ourselves the things God has for us, only then can we find what life is truly meant to be. Restful, full, and always supported by an unshakable foundation.

John 6:35, Revelation 21:4

Lauren Vopatek

Writers Block

This week and last, I had writers block. Not just a block that inhibited me from forming something interesting, encouraging, creative or edifying, but a block that strayed me far from my computer. It strayed me so far that I found myself edgy as I stared at this silver box with lettered keys, as if it were a time bomb ticking so intensely that a mere glance would set it off. What was this intensely agonizing block I felt, and how could I possibly define it? How could I overcome this impending sense of doom, I thought, as the ink from my pen awkwardly rolled from the metal ball point tip to the perfectly lined spaces that lay white and blank before my eyes. Can I fill this blank space, I thought, and not only can I fill it but can I fill it with something that will have purpose or value? What if I attempt to write and nothing comes? How will I feel? Will I have failed at the one thing I feel called to do?

Pen hit paper and nothing seemed to flow. Broken concepts and unconnected thought now stared at me written in a messy jumble of unconnected ideas. The feeling of inferiority overtook me as I compared these messy thoughts to ones once written so eloquently as if I didn't believe they were even written by my hands. Will I measure up, I thought, not only to others gifts but to my own self? Will I be compared not only to others but to my own works of writing written once in a time when I felt slightly more free.

Freedom, I thought. Thats it! Why did I, in previous days, feel a sense of freedom to flow my words uninhibited without this heavy black curtain that now draped upon my soul, blocking me from truly expressing the things hidden behind its veil. Why, in that past time, did my words flow as if it were water in a stream, not worrying where it went, just following the path effortlessly laid before it. It was as if once my words were water, and now they've hit a dark and heavy dam so large it seems impossible to remove. What is this block, I thought, that makes me feel chained in like a prisoner unable to be fully revel in the joy I knew existed just beyond the rivers end?

Was it the distractions that surround my life that caused me to feel so inhibited and stagnant? Can I not experience my usual flow of joy and creativity because of things that I allow to absorb my time like a black hole sucking the very life from me, I thought? I sat and meditated on what truly did distract me from my purpose, my writing, the gift God gave me, realizing how many things truly did exist to cleverly distract me. The Tv sat to my left and the fridge to my right. The internet at my fingertips and the phone attached to my arm as if it had been sowed there with invisible thread. I sat and thought, how much there is to be distracted with, yet we think nothing of it as we mindlessly turn on TV and let it endlessly drain the hours from our life. I found long ago I find joy in my writing, yet I found myself gravitating to these things that bring me no life, no joy and no peace. I found myself gravitating to these things as my block continued to hinder me. If the distractions were marly a part of my block that acted as my crutch, what then was the root? Why had I once had a freedom to that which now seemed to no longer exist?

In a series of failed attempts, I relinquished control to the one and only God who knows the truth, and in that simple act of relinquishing my control, I was reminded of the power of His word. I was reminded that freedom only exists when we stop trying to control our lives. (Matthew 16:25) I was reminded that to try and control my own life is like harnessing the wind, and directing the flow of water. It takes much less strain to float on the path laid before us, and when we do, the freedom it brings is far greater than any words can explain. Freedom comes when we allow ourselves to float gently on that path that has already been laid out before us by our father in heaven. Freedom exists only when we allow Him to truly direct our path. As I walked on the path He laid before me, now uninhibited by the chains of my untrusting and controlling nature, the truth of his word became evident in my life. The weight of this desperate futile attempt to control my writing and my destiny that stemmed from my fear of trusting my life to God, was lifted from me like a dark curtain lifted to expose the bright light of freedom. Fear was my block and God was savior.

In that moment, I felt the warmth of his light, and the paralyzing pressure that once froze my fingertips like ice, were thawed by Gods warm and gentle words. He whispered to me sweetly that I would always measure up, that I would never be a failure in His eyes as long as I lived, and his delight in my choice to allow him to direct my path was more than He could express in words. I felt the presence of God once again, and my block was gone.

God hears us, and in our desperate moments and our joyful moments He comes (John 16:13). If we remember His promises written in the book of life, we will remember that he is like living water, endlessly flowing, constantly nourishing, filling, cleansing, and redeeming the spirit of his children. (John 7:38) His timing is like that of a river flowing on a path that has already been laid out since the dawn of time, and He promises to show us the way if we surrender to His current. (Jeremiah 29:11) When we allow ourselves to be filled with His love, from the overflow comes fruit. For me its in the form of words that are lovingly designed to edify and strengthen the body of Christ and to continue the flow of living water that is our God, our father in Heaven, and lover of my soul.

Ps. Thank you Dave for reminding me that water is such a wonderful way of picturing how God moves.

Lauren Vopatek

Reflection

Sunday morning and light streamed in from the tall curtained windows reflecting along the old wood floor beneath my feet. Reflection, what a beautiful and complex word that now resonated in my mind. In this case, of the glorious sun and the old and weathered floor, reflection means the phenomenon in which a wave of transmitted light is softly bounced back from the surface that it touches. Light literally shines down from above and whatever that light so graciously touches it is either absorbed to never be seen again or it is reflected to shine as if it had produced that glorious light from its very own being. What an amazing and interesting concept. How amazing that one can shine marly by being shined on. What a wonderful concept that now trickled through my mind this beautiful Sunday morning.

The music ceased and an introduction was made, as the man who was introduced glided softly along the weathered floor. Before he even spoke there was a glow. There was a new glow, not from the floor now beneath him, but a glow that reflected directly from him, streaming like the soft glow you see from the sun just as its last bit of light sinks into the horizon at sunset. A glow that can only come from a source, but where? Was it the sun sprinkling him with the same light that the floor beneath so graciously received, or something else? He began to speak, and his eyes had a passion that could not only be seen but felt as a rush went down my spine causing goose bumps on my arm. He was lit up, his words were sparkling, and he was reflecting from a source much brighter than him. His joy was contagious, and his light began to shine on the ten rows of seats that stretched now before him. Laughter broke from the bodies casually filling the seats, and a pure joy was felt amongst the room as if it streamed directly in and out of each person absorbing the words that this man so naturally spoke.

If one were to walk in unknowing to this makeshift bar turned church, they may have thought unassumingly this must be a show. This must be a skit designed to make people laugh, a bystander may have thought, but these ten rows of people so intent on his words, knew it was something else. His words were not jokes designed to make us laugh, but words of truth, and as he spoke we began to realize the light that this man was so lovingly reflecting upon us was not the sun at all but the Joy of Jesus. God was his light source, he was the weathered floor and we were receiving the glorious reflected light of our Father in Heaven.

As he spoke of his love for God and the love God had for his family, there were tears that welled to the surface of his soft gentle eyes. There was an out pouring of emotion as Jesus filled him with so much light He couldn't keep it all contained. Light was streaming from his eyes and hands and mouth as he spoke touching the ones that sat now so intent on his voice. What a wonderful man, I thought as he spoke of his lovely wife, adoring children and his life dedicated to following Jesus Christ. How amazing, I thought, that God has shined so graciously on this mans life that he would be able to not only absorb that light but reflect it on others for the purpose of spreading Gods Joy and Love.

His speech culminated, and it seemed as if he could have continue forever and no one would have minded. For me, as I meditated on his illuminating words, all I could think was what a beautiful example of an intimate relationship with God. How amazing and deep it was, to know God so well that there is no doubt in his mind of what would make God joyful. There is no doubt in his mind of what God wants for his life and no doubt in his mind of how much he is loved. Isn't that what true relationship is though? We marry, and we want nothing more than to love this person and be loved back. We want that person to know us so well that they know exactly how to love us, and we want to know them so well that we know exactly how to love them.

Its amazing that God wants this very thing for our relationship with him. He wants us to be vulnerable and open and willing to allow him into our space. He wants to move into our life just as we do when we allow our husband or wife to move into our home. He wants to know how we want to be loved so he can love us that way and he wants to shower us with gifts that go beyond material things. He wants to be in relationship with us. He is not a God who is distant but God who so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (I John 3:1) He is not a God who withholds but the Father of lights that every good gift and every perfect gift comes from.( James 1:17) He is our greatest comforter (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) and He gave up everything He loved so that He might gain our affection. ( Romans 8:32)

Our God wants a true and honorable relationship with us. He wants us to choose him, to say yes to him and to live a life with him learning about each other. He wants a relationship with us that fills our hearts so much that our Joy has no where else for it to go but reflect on to the ones that come in contact with our lives. He is already in love with you, you just have to say yes.

My God, how wonderful He is, and how amazing his sweet love is for my heart and soul. Never again will I look at the suns reflection and marly see a phenomenon of light waves bouncing off a surface, but I will see God and his shining sign of love for me pouring out amongst the world.

God Bless,

Lauren Vopatek

Worship

The calm continuous rhythm plays from the stage as the light streams in just soft enough to see that it is day and just dim enough to close my eyes without reproach.What a beautiful sound that now resonates in my ears as my eyes close to the world and open to Gods profound presence.

All around me are Gods precious children, but with my eyes closed and my heart lifted by the notes from others lifting their praise to our father in heaven, I'm the only one He sees. There, in the midst of all the others, He sees me. The warmth and the gentle rush of his presence settles in as I sit in reverence of his glory, and there, on that small white chair, He speaks His love for me. Heavenly white noise streams softly now in the background and still, I hear only Him as He speaks to me soft and clear.

So much courage he gives me, as I ask Him who I am, and he speaks to me of how he made me. There, in the midst of everything around me, He speaks to my heart of the overabundant love he has for my soul.

Am I doing all right? Am I enough?, I ask as I sit in awe of His kindness to me.

His sweet answers fill my heart and make me light as if I’m floating just above the surface of the ground below. “Yes”, He says, “your doing just fine”, with a smile that stretches across his face so large it can’t be measured by any earthly rule. Knowing His promise to his beloved are gifts beyond what money can buy, I ask what gift I’m meant to receive. “Wisdom” he whispers, “the gift I wish to give you if your willing”.

Tears begin to run as the honor of his gift sinks deep within my heart, and with the confidence He gives me through His trust in me, I’m drawn to my feet, unworried and unaware of the ones around me. I feel a courage now that can only be from God and a strength so strong that I stand to honor His glory, when once upon a time the weight of shame may have kept me in my chair, unable to fully express my true gratitude.

So light hearted and so in love, I lift my hand as if to say this is the highest I can reach, but I will always reach for you. So empowered by His spirit and truth, I lift up my voice and begin to sing the praise of his holly name in sync with the ones around me.

So in love, I wish my voice could be sweeter, that my hands could lift higher or my heart could be bigger, yet He sweetly wipers I’m enough. His smile is so bright now as He looks upon His children gathered together to give Him thanks for the life He gave us. As the music ceases I am changed just slightly, as I always am in the presence of His sweet love. I am changed by the heaviness He lifts from my heart. I am changed by the courage He gives me by placing his armor upon my body and changed by the purpose he speaks of my life.

He is God and this is worship.

He is Love and He is holly, and this is why we lift our hands in praise to honor our creator.

It is to honor the one who is endlessly good, the one who knew us before we were even formed and the one who loves so passionately and sweet. It is not singing in unison for the sake of singing, not setting the mood, not entertaining the masses, but true reverence for our creator. This is worship. This is why we sing and lift our hands. This is why we praise His name through song. It is our beautiful expression of our true love and devotion to the one who always loves us no matter where we are. He is the beginning and the end. He is the creator of the universe and of our beating heart. He is our true love, my friend, and I will stand and sing for Him all the days of my life.

God Bless,

Lauren Rae Vopatek

Intelligence in the Eyes of The Maker

As I sit with my thought, and take a closer look at the unique qualities of each and every person that I call my friends and family, I always delight in their unique and amazing qualities. Each person in my life has a different and unique talent or ability that makes them so special and meaningful in my life. Each one has an intelligence that sets them apart from each other, and yet each one, on some occasion or another, has believed themselves to be unintelligent.

What is intelligence really though? The dictionary says its the ability to easily comprehend. It says that an intelligent person has the capacity for thought and reason especially in a high degree. The capacity for thought and reason it says. Does it say for what though? Does it say that someone is intelligent if they have the capacity for thought and reason about a specific thing or subject, and that only then can they be considered intelligent? No. It doesn't. Why, then, does our society make us to believe that some are intelligent and others aren't, depending on the things they can think and reason about? Is one person more intelligent than the other if they can ramble off spelling words in a spelling bee? Is one person more intelligent than the other if they can multiply and divide faster than you can say your name? Who knows?

Why then does the world have an obsession with trying to classify our intelligence, forcing us into little boxes that ultimately are supposed to classify our future and our worth? Do you think when God designed us he said I am going to make this person way more intelligent because I wanted him to be way more successful at life. No. He created everyone uniquely to edify the body of christ. (Romans 12)

With out the fingers the hand suffers and cannot do the work its meant to do. Without feet the legs cannot balance. With out the body the head can’t move and without the head the body is lost. So, which part is more important? Is it the head, the foot, or the finger? We can ask this same question with ourselves. Are we more important if our degree that we hold is in finance or in art? Which person is more intelligent. Is it the one that has the capacity to produce organization out of a chaotic mess of numbers? Or, is it the person that can create beauty out of something that we never even knew had the capacity to be beautiful. Is it the person that can recite history and facts easier than you can tie your shoes or is it the person that can organize a home in a split second of a thought? Is it the person who thinks of new and innovative ideas to change the world, or is it the person who helps them to organize their thoughts and make them into a realistic view?

Can you pick? Can you really classify these people into little boxes and rate them on a scale? Then why do we try? The outcome can only be production of people who strive to find worth in a classification that cannot even be defined. The evils of our world have created a mess of intertwined systems to inherently make people feel unworthy and not good enough, when in reality we were created by God with a purpose far greater than what our systems can define. We are all intelligent. We were all made special and unique by God himself to edify his body. We were not a mistake. (Psalm 139 15-16)

I realized this just recently when I thought of how many times I or my friends and family have felt unintelligent by the classifications of this world. The world says to me on occasion, “you are a hairstylist so you must be too unintelligent for college or a real Job, when in reality that is far more false than one can even begin to know. Hairstylists are uniquely gifted with an ability misunderstood by many. We have been entrusted with the intelligence to make people feel on the outside how they know or hope they feel on the inside. We have the unique gift of intelligence in the field of design, shaping millions of tiny strands of hair into structures others marvel at and structures that in turn make people feel beautiful. I can't tell you the amount of times I have heard lawyers, doctors and politicians say, “wow, what you do is amazing and I would never be able to create that”, and yet I also could not tell you how many time I have seen the pretentious stairs of judgement when my profession is brought down to the level of dirt. How then, can we feel justified in classifying people by their Jobs status, degrees or intelligence?

Our society insists through these classifications that some people are dumb, some people’s professions are not worthy, and the things they are good at is some how not good enough.

I almost ager at times when I realize what destruction these systems of colleges and rankings in degrees cause to the human heart and sole. Not to say that college is wrong, obtaining a degree is pointless and having a good job doesn't matter, but to say that these things should not classify our worth as individuals. I love learning, college is fantastic and being able to work in a field your passionate about through consistent education and training is amazing, but to make it a goal to prove your worth will be a means with no end.

How sad that the world has succumb to making each other feel unworthy of our own unique gifts, by means of flimsy pieces of paper with black ink that says degree and an underlying message that whispers failure to all that do not possess it. How sad that we wander thru life trying to receive our worth from a piece of paper and prove our worth by our title, but how joyful that there is another way.

God says we don't have too. He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:15-16). He says “for you are my treasured possession ( Exodus 19:5). We were created in his image (Genesis 1:27), and so we are loved for who we are by our creator. We are wonderfully made and in all our glory we are loved and unique despite what our world tells us and despite what the evils of this life try so hard to make us believe. In His eyes, our intelligence is beyond what even we can comprehend, and only through relationship with Him can we truly know the full extent of the amazing potential we possess.

The Romance of God

Lost in a sea of sadness on Valentines, I found myself broken hearted. I found myself upset, overreact-full, and melancholy beyond what I had even imagined I would be. Not only was I feeling the bitter sting of insignificance, but the strong resentment of past love and a past life. I found myself at the core of my being believing how insignificant the devil of this world so desperately wants me to feel.

It began with a small attack on my personal space as I arrived at work only to find my locker ajar, my things carelessly moved about as if to say you are nothing, your space here doesn't matter and your insignificance hear is uncanny. Insignificance is my struggle and realizing it right away, that my overreaction came from a vulnerable spot in my heart, I put it away to revisit it later when my work day was done.

Guests came in and out. Stylists busily did their jobs of taking good care of the patrons in the salon, leading them around and seating them in their designated spot, pouring champagne, spoiling them for valentines, providing an act of service to make them feel beautiful and taken care of. As I graciously blow dried my guests hair into polished perfection to make her feel beautiful, I realized not only was I serving her but I was giving her my quality time. Genuinely excited for her wedding plans coming along nicely and exotic weekend trips I realized how loved and taken care of each women in that salon must have felt when leaving, haven been listened to and made to feel beautiful. It was at that very moment though, that I also realized how unloved I was feeling and how insignificant I truly felt.

Lunch time came before I knew it, and the planning for the evening began. The offer to be taken out for Valentines was on the table and for some reason I still felt dismissed. I had for some reason no desire to go out to eat on Valentines day. My suggestion to cook was shot down in a tizzy of no one in the mood for dinner at home on Valentines, and out of some dark place in my heart, anxieties and emotions began to rise. I began to remember a time when my heart of hearts was destroyed. It was stolen once for years and held captive never giving it a chance to beet or even feel the warmth of love. I saw my past, my youth, stolen by those who continuously reminded me that what I thought was insignificant, that what I wanted didn't matter and that love was not something I would ever be allowed to experience.

My flash back was to a time when I was never loved in a way I so desperately needed to be loved, to a time when I was so charmingly brainwashed into thinking no one would ever love me as much as I was already loved. These exact words, which so apparently meant from the circumstances in which I was treated, that no one would ever love me at all.

Devastated and heartbroken by the thoughts of the day, I began to drive home. Memories flashed like a movie through my head; memories of dinners being offered in a gesture of love but in essence forced into paying for them by manipulation. Forced into overwhelming debt to restaurants and clubs by a partner in life never allowing me to contribute my innate sense of financial wisdom, a partner that convinced me that the only way that I was ever going to be loved was if I used borrowed money to pay for non existent quality time. A partner who would take me to dinner on my line of credit proceeding to ignore me as he talked business on the phone. I ate silently for years in cold, loud and dark restaurants in which I had no opinion in picking and no choice in going. I ate anxiously for years in restaurants not of my choice and exorbitantly out of our combined parameters of wealth, wanting desperately to allow this man in my life to lead me and love me. Yet, as the meal was done, the only place I had been lead too was down a silent weary path of misery, debt and destruction.

I realized, that a genuine offer of love by my friends, who I hold with high esteem and love, to take me to dinner on this very Valentines day was destroyed because a place in my past had so intrusively surfaced out of the depths of my heart where I didn't even know it still existed. My past was haunting my present and blocking me from receiving genuine love that I knew God so desperately wanted me to see.

Not only did I feel the sadness from the lack of love I once experience but feelings of anger were evoked in my heart. Anger that I not only never had someone love me in a way I needed to be loved but that I somehow now was being blocked from accepting love that was being given to me.

As I drove in my furry, tears streaming from my soIe, I cried out to God and asked Him why. I asked him,” Why cant I just feel loved? Why cant I allow myself to forget the past and will I ever trust again? I asked in desperation, “God, am I too scarred, too ruined or too insignificant to feel loved?”

In that moment, driving over the bridge that stretches over the bay separating the island I work on from the beach that I reside in, He spoke to me. He said, “ I made something for you, look.” And I looked up out of my terry eyes and saw the soft pink sky. I saw the shadows of the palms stretching across the horizon and the snow capped mountains in the distance. My eye caught the glimmer of the slightly fading sun as it glimmered on the water in the bay beneath my vehicle. It was magnificent. Boats stretching as far as my eyes could see on water so blue you could only describe it as heavenly. “Look”, He said again, “I made this for you. I took the time to make something I knew you would love, and then give it to you in a way in which you would see it and enjoy it every day. I made a living portrait for you that changes day to day as you drive back and forth to work.” He said. “I knew how much you love to gaze into the sky and how much you love the water and the palms and the mountains and the sunsets, so I took the time to make this for you. I took the time to work it out so that you would see this divine creation every time you drive to work.

I starred and listened in aw. Is God really talking to me right now. I thought? Is this for real; am I making this up? His voice again clear and calm, “turn off and follow me to the Jetty and watch the sunset I have made for you,” and so I did. Parking on the side of the street, I walked down to the small hill to the beach that rests just a few blocks west of my house. I watched as the glorious sun met the water just past the island of Catalina and just next to the skyline of shadowed buildings and twinkling lights. I watched the sun romance the water with colors beyond describing as if it were painted with the most supernatural of mediums. Its as if the glorious sun gently kissed the calm blue water with such a passion that the suns beaming Joy was naturally absorbed and reflected by the waters soft and gentle waves. As the sky darkened, it was if the sun whispered to the waves, “come and be alone with me in the darkness and the still of the night.” I heard Him again say “this is how I love you, just as you desire to be loved, with a genuine act of service to you and a genuine gift of my time. Let me be the one to love you and you will never know hurt like you felt in this world. Trust in me and I will love you how I know you want and need to be loved, because I designed you. I know every hair on your precious head and I created you with a plan in mind and knew you even in the womb.

Walking back to my car In my flurry of thoughts I pondered this magnificent yet hard to believe vision in my head. Could I truly be loved so wonderfully and unconditionally? I started my car and my heart began to feel light and a tear began to role down my face. I was morning. I was in morning of a life I once lead. I was gently being delivered from a cavern in my heart I had never thought to ever revisit. It had been pulled up and out of my heart like a full screen movie in all of its entirety. It was a movie that to re-watch took courage and to forget took God. As I watched the last seen of Gods love for me ending in such a dramatic loving romance, I knew it was over, and I morned the memory with tears of lament, morning what had been done to my precious heart but also delighting in the true healing I had to look forward to from my one true love, the all mighty creator of earth itself, God, the designer of the universe and maker of my sole.

P.S Thank you for a wonderful dinner.