And God Continues to Romance

     I woke up yesterday to a pale grey and cloudy sky.  The sun had not fully reached above the horizon, and the mist had formed a foggy haze that rested just above the trees.  It was slightly cold, yet not enough to make you shiver, as if fall had secretly rolled in overnight with the wind.   Mist formed droplets on the ground that made things dewy and bright amidst the paleness of the gray sky, and the lighting, just right, made everything green.  It was not just any green. It was the green that you see in the rolling hills of the english countryside, the green that spreads itself across areas with shady trees and rainy winters, the kind of green that looks almost too green to be real as if it were holy pigment painted by Gods very paintbrush. Its the kind of green that makes my heart flutter, as if God was romancing me with strokes of paint and pure luxury for my senses.  

     I sat on my porch steps and stared in amazement at the scene that bloomed before  me.  Small blades of grass and intricate bunches of green clovers playfully peeked out from under my steps, as if they were a childhood friend popping in to say come play. My heart skipped a beet in excitement with the feeling of carefree childhood days washing over me like a rush of wind thru my hair.  Starring out into this perfect scene I felt like a small girl dizzy with excitement to go out and play.  

     Here on my porch amidst the green clovers, I felt transported. Floods of sweet whimsical  memories came drifting into my mind. Visions surfaced from my heart of cool crisp days in Chicago when the winters chill had just warn off, and the clover laden grass began to sprout under the lacy white patches of leftover snow. I felt as if God had known the treasure box where I secretly stashed my priceless memories, and He had now dug them up from their hiding spot I had long forgotten existed. I felt it a romantic gift as my heart began to feel the joy I had felt on those days of long ago.

     Those were the days that brought me a certain hope.  Those were the days that I truly felt like the care free girl all children are meant to feel like. I suppose it was the excitement and promise of summer that brought so much joy to my heart those days,  or the reassurance that the long cold winter had ended. It was the fresh feeling of the bitter sting of winter melting away revealing a new world growing just beneath the surface.  

     There in my memories, in my excitement and in my pure delight in the greenery surrounding me I felt invited into a romance with God, a romance that filled my heart so much I felt as if it were spilling over to the ground.   Why hadn't I seen these bright green clovers before?  I looked out across my yard in bewilderment at the patches of green blanketing the ground.  They were everywhere, as if there were more clovers than grass.  Had they really sprung over night trailing in on the coat tails of fall, or had I missed them in my flurry of day to day activities that filled my week?     

     I suppose I miss things often that God has to show me as I rush from one place to the next, and I suppose its like any relationship in life, sometimes we just need to be a little more present to experience the full joy of what one has to offer.  I realize it is in the simple things that I feel his presence, and it is in those moments I feel like a child again, loved and carefree as if my days of growing up had been lovingly reversed. It is in those moments I feel loved, unconditionally and romanced beyond my wildest dream.  

Lauren 

The Truth

     The spiritual world is real, and attacks exist.  We must find the truth amidst the whispers that aim to destroy our minds and wound our hearts.  We have to know that we are worthy, we are good, we are useful, and that we matter.  We have to understand the enemy seeks to destroy us by making us believe the lies that we don't measure up, that we are not attractive enough, wealthy enough, good enough.  The spiritual world exists, and we have to understand that the truth lies in God.  The truth is that to God, you are created good, your heart is good, and you were made with a purpose.  The truth is , that you are beautiful, that you were knit together perfectly by the creator of the universe with a plan for good that will be for your life on earth and in eternity.  The truth is, that until we allow God in we won't know the truth.  The truth is that until we sit and listen to the God who promises to be our wonderful counselor for eternity, we will continue to believe the lies the enemy seeks to make us believe.  The world is run by a powerful being that hates God and all his goodness, seeking to destroy the beauty he has made in our hearts .  Our value and our worth are the things we must protect.  They are the things we must fight for.  They are the the things that make us who we are.  We must guard ourselves with the breastplate of riotousness, the belt of truth and the shoes of readiness with the gospel of peace.  We must put on our helmet of salvation, our shield of faith and take up our sword of the spirit, always ready to battle the attacks of the enemy.    We are beloved children of God, we are valuable, we matter and we are loved.   Never let the enemy take that from you.  Fight for your heart.  Never give up. You are strong and you are not alone.  God is with you, and when you walk in his path He will not only show you the way, He will show up with an infantry to fight for your heart.  Be encouraged my friends, you are not alone in this world.  Choose to fight.  Choose the life you were designed for.

John 5:19
Isaah 9:6
Psalm 139:13
Ephesians 6:17

A letter to the ones I love

Dear friends, family, coworkers, and those that are friends that are family, those that are coworkers that are friends, and those that are friends that are coworkers that are family; actually all of my coworkers are my friends and all of my friends are my family and all of my family are my friends, I love you all so much more than I can express. This is for you all, the ones I love in my life:

Today is my last evening in Paris.  Tomorrow I will bored a train to London to stay for a few nights and then head for home.  Home is a word I've come to reflect on more than anything on my journey. Home is what has been the continual loop that runs thru my brain each day. With each experience and each country and each town I've been, the rhythm and look of that looping thought of home changes.

The beginning of my journey was spurred by a feeling, I hate to admit, but I must, of disconnection and displacement.  I felt as though the world I existed in was moving on with out me and when I say world I mean you all.  You are the world in which I live.  You are what makes my world, loving and fun and comfortable and exciting.  You are the ones that not only enrich my life with wisdom, love, companionship, adventure and comfort, but the ones that ARE my life.  Without you all I feel the panes of emptiness in my heart and stomach that can only be described as homesick.  It's hard to admit but the period of time before I left, I was slipping slowly into a dark place where I didn't think that I fit into my world anymore.  I felt as though because I was now the oddity in a sea of friends newly married, newly engaged newly pregnant and newly moms, that I didn't belong. Unfortunately I began to believe this very strongly and started to give in to the dark pull to distance myself from everything and everyone.

My trip, spurred by all of these feelings, was my attempt to see where I felt good, where I needed to be, where I could exist and not feel on the outside looking in. I felt as though I was searching for a  place where I fit, but as the days of my trip began, a quite severe adverse reaction began to happen in
my heart and brain.  As I traveled, I began to stack  these new things and experiences next to my life and my home, and I began to see the magnificent beauty of home.  I began to see the extraordinary in my life and the people who are part of that life in such a close and intimate way.

I saw things on my journey that I had seen only from a distance, in photos and stories and books, and as I came to each place,  each town, each monument, and each experience I realized what I had been doing.  I had romanticized the idea of everything and had been longing for something that didn't exist.

Im sitting hear now in a cafe in Paris, on a small patio watching the rain fall over the busy parisian street, overlooking the Eiffel tour twinkling in the distance from across the water.  The idea, yes, is very romantic and dreamy. People, as I once did, long to be sitting here sipping coffee and watching the twinkling tour, but for me I sit hear, after half a month of traveling, longing for home, and longing for the people in my life who I very mistakenly tried to distance myself from, who I very mistakenly believed I didn't fit into their life.

You know, going to the Eiffel tour  and gazing at it from a distance I've discovered are two very different things.  As one visits the Eiffel tower, the closer you get the more it becomes just a massive towering structure of twisted metal dropped in the missed of a sea of tourists lining up to buy over priced memorabilia from stands flooding the grounds below.  You stand there watching the floods of people waiting in line for a chance to climb the tower so you can check it off your list.  Close up, it's quite an ugly scene,  but i suppose always from afar in this cafe it is beautiful.  I realized as I thought of this interesting twist, that this is how I have been viewing life.  I have romanticized what traveling would be, longing for something that doesn't really exist in London or in Amsterdam or even Paris. It exists in my home.  What I'm looking for exists where I left in the first place.  What I'm looking for exists in my friends and family and coworkers and all of those combinations in between.  I was looking for love but I found that I had it all a long.  I found that the further away I got from home the more I longed for home.  One country after the other and the more my stomach ached and my heart shriveled for my friends and family.

Yesterday morning I climbed the hill in Mont Mart to Sucre Cure, a beautiful church atop a sea of never ending stairs overlooking all of Paris.  There, I  spent some time with God.  Normally to spend time with God I have no need for large towering structures with a thousand foot ceilings and large stained glass windows, but yesterday was different.  Yesterday I was in Paris, and not only was I in Paris, I was in the town of Mont Mart,one of the oldest and most beautiful places in all of Paris.

I sat in Sucre Cure and as mass began, I closed my eyes to the beautiful music streaming from angelic nuns robed in white amidst golden candles and ambient light.  I closed my eyes and asked for God to be with me, even for just a moment, and as I did the calm of the spirt came over me, almost as if I was being put to sleep. As I sat, eyes closed, I saw a tree, a large expanding oak tree.  It was rooted deep in the ground with roots stretching in all directions, and branches that reached so far they stretched across states and even the oceans.  Although God many times has explained to me before how I am the tree, I asked Him again, "what does this picture mean?". He replyed, with a sweet and soft voice, "You are rooted in your home. It is where I have planted you.  It is where you have grown, and gotten strong and expanded.  It is where you have grown fruit and given fruit and offer shade.  It is where you are fed and watered and the climate that suits you the best.  You may not have been born there in the physical flesh but born there in the spirit.  You knew you were to be born there in the spirt and you followed my voice to the spot of your birth and because of that you have grown tall.  Your branches are comfort and shade for many, and although you don't always think so, you are loved and cherished by the ones you give shade.  You are loved and cherished by the ones you offer fruit and loved and cherished by the ones that rest in your branches. You are a tree with roots and branches and shade and fruit. Your branches may stretch across states and oceans and country's but your home is in the soil where you were born in me. Because your roots are sturdy your branches offer home to many.

I opened my eyes and still felt the presence of God as I wandered out the massive stone archway and down the great river of steps flowing up to Sucre Cure.  What a neat thing to be a tree, and not only a tree, but a tree planted in southern California, the place of dreams.  A tree watered and fed by Jesus and the most wonderful amazing friends and family I know.

To be short I would have said I was homesick, and missed you all, but to be long, well, this is it.

I am truly sorry to you all for believing such an awful lie.  Thank you all for being such an amazing part of my life.  Thank you for being my family when I needed family.  Thank you for being support when I needed to be held up.  Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on an arm to rest on and an ear to relieve to.  Thank you for reading this, for loving me, and for being my world.  I am so blessed to know you all and to call you all friends.  Thank you God for building the body of Christ and putting us all together so lovingly and intricately and perfectly.  Thank you God for the love in my life.  I feel truly blessed.

Miss you, love you,and  see you all very soon!

Your friend,
Lauren

You Are Enough

     I have not written in a long time.  I feel like, on occasion it’s pointless to write.  I feel like I’m maybe wasting my time.  I feel like sometimes maybe I should be doing more, serving more, using my time more wisely, but then I have days like yesterday.  Days when I have conversations with friends that make me feel so encouraged that the things we are deeply passionate about are the things we should pursue.  The things we are deeply passionate about are gifts from God and to pursue them is to pursue God.  Pursuing God doesn't mean volunteering more, going to church more or joining more church like activities.  It means to pursue the passions He gifted us with and by pursuing those passions we will ultimately find God and find where God has purposed us to be and the fruit of that in our lives will be overwhelming.  

     I encourage everyone to follow the pursuit of what makes them feel alive, what gets them passionate, what they truly feel called to do.  God gave us all special gifts and talents for a reason.  Its because our gifts and talents that we enjoy for ourselves ultimately effect others weather we are purposefully trying to or not. 

     I sometimes struggle with that little voice on my shoulder whispering, your not doing enough, your not going to church enough, just exploring what your passionate about is not enough, YOU are not enough.  Then when I seem to be falling or believing the lie I know is false, God picks me up.  I go to him, and he not only whispers you are good enough, your passions are worthy and your enough just on your own, but He gives me community to reinforce what He most lovingly wants me to know.  

     God doesn’t judge us on how many things we are doing or how involved in a church we are, in fact he doesn't judge us at all.  He loves us no matter what.  He loves us, and when we desire to live life close to him He naturally lets good things flow in our lives and we naturally let them flow from our lives to others.  Just like nature, a tree when rooted firmly in good soil, constantly nourished by the love of the fathers rain and soil will grow tall, produce shade for others to sit under, will produce food for others to eat, and that tree is enough just to be who it is naturally.  

     Truly discover your passions in life and you will find God.  Truly pursue your dreams and    Jesus will walk along side you.  Truly allow God’s love into your heart and naturally love will pore in abundance right back out.  Your are truly loved for who you are.  Believe it pursue it and everything good will follow.

Lauren

Devotion

I read this today:

Psalm 127:1-3

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

I read this today and was instantly reminded of the peace that God offers. I was reminded that to build your life without God is like building your house without a foundation. You will toil until you think your at the point of satisfaction yet it will never fully satisfy. You will toil until you think you might be close to what you want, and without a foundation the house you’ve built will fall crashing to the ground. You will eat yet you will never full. You will thrust for something yet nothing truly will even wet your lips. We are all made with a yearning for something. Its a yearning to be filled, and there is a void within us that only God can fill.

God is the bread of life and as we put our trust and faith in Him, He starts to give us rest. (John 6:35) He lies us down on green pastures and says sleep a while, while I build your house for you. Take a rest from your anxious toil, there is never a need to be anxious.

He feeds us with His words of truth, wisdom, peace, and sweet love. His grace for our lives is like a circle, its endless and will never cease.

There is no need to stay awake lying in torment over things in this life when God is our Watchman. What better watchman than the one who sees all things? How much safer could we possibly be except in the arms of the one who created us all?

With Him, we have peace, and the power to overcome the things of this world. With Him we can live a life of freedom built on a foundation of solid rock. He has a promise for our lives, a purpose for our work, and a Joyful reward in the end. He has a life built already for us, a promised world in which no tears exist, we will run and not get weary, we will be like the angels in Heaven. If we truly seek for ourselves the things God has for us, only then can we find what life is truly meant to be. Restful, full, and always supported by an unshakable foundation.

John 6:35, Revelation 21:4

Lauren Vopatek

Writers Block

This week and last, I had writers block. Not just a block that inhibited me from forming something interesting, encouraging, creative or edifying, but a block that strayed me far from my computer. It strayed me so far that I found myself edgy as I stared at this silver box with lettered keys, as if it were a time bomb ticking so intensely that a mere glance would set it off. What was this intensely agonizing block I felt, and how could I possibly define it? How could I overcome this impending sense of doom, I thought, as the ink from my pen awkwardly rolled from the metal ball point tip to the perfectly lined spaces that lay white and blank before my eyes. Can I fill this blank space, I thought, and not only can I fill it but can I fill it with something that will have purpose or value? What if I attempt to write and nothing comes? How will I feel? Will I have failed at the one thing I feel called to do?

Pen hit paper and nothing seemed to flow. Broken concepts and unconnected thought now stared at me written in a messy jumble of unconnected ideas. The feeling of inferiority overtook me as I compared these messy thoughts to ones once written so eloquently as if I didn't believe they were even written by my hands. Will I measure up, I thought, not only to others gifts but to my own self? Will I be compared not only to others but to my own works of writing written once in a time when I felt slightly more free.

Freedom, I thought. Thats it! Why did I, in previous days, feel a sense of freedom to flow my words uninhibited without this heavy black curtain that now draped upon my soul, blocking me from truly expressing the things hidden behind its veil. Why, in that past time, did my words flow as if it were water in a stream, not worrying where it went, just following the path effortlessly laid before it. It was as if once my words were water, and now they've hit a dark and heavy dam so large it seems impossible to remove. What is this block, I thought, that makes me feel chained in like a prisoner unable to be fully revel in the joy I knew existed just beyond the rivers end?

Was it the distractions that surround my life that caused me to feel so inhibited and stagnant? Can I not experience my usual flow of joy and creativity because of things that I allow to absorb my time like a black hole sucking the very life from me, I thought? I sat and meditated on what truly did distract me from my purpose, my writing, the gift God gave me, realizing how many things truly did exist to cleverly distract me. The Tv sat to my left and the fridge to my right. The internet at my fingertips and the phone attached to my arm as if it had been sowed there with invisible thread. I sat and thought, how much there is to be distracted with, yet we think nothing of it as we mindlessly turn on TV and let it endlessly drain the hours from our life. I found long ago I find joy in my writing, yet I found myself gravitating to these things that bring me no life, no joy and no peace. I found myself gravitating to these things as my block continued to hinder me. If the distractions were marly a part of my block that acted as my crutch, what then was the root? Why had I once had a freedom to that which now seemed to no longer exist?

In a series of failed attempts, I relinquished control to the one and only God who knows the truth, and in that simple act of relinquishing my control, I was reminded of the power of His word. I was reminded that freedom only exists when we stop trying to control our lives. (Matthew 16:25) I was reminded that to try and control my own life is like harnessing the wind, and directing the flow of water. It takes much less strain to float on the path laid before us, and when we do, the freedom it brings is far greater than any words can explain. Freedom comes when we allow ourselves to float gently on that path that has already been laid out before us by our father in heaven. Freedom exists only when we allow Him to truly direct our path. As I walked on the path He laid before me, now uninhibited by the chains of my untrusting and controlling nature, the truth of his word became evident in my life. The weight of this desperate futile attempt to control my writing and my destiny that stemmed from my fear of trusting my life to God, was lifted from me like a dark curtain lifted to expose the bright light of freedom. Fear was my block and God was savior.

In that moment, I felt the warmth of his light, and the paralyzing pressure that once froze my fingertips like ice, were thawed by Gods warm and gentle words. He whispered to me sweetly that I would always measure up, that I would never be a failure in His eyes as long as I lived, and his delight in my choice to allow him to direct my path was more than He could express in words. I felt the presence of God once again, and my block was gone.

God hears us, and in our desperate moments and our joyful moments He comes (John 16:13). If we remember His promises written in the book of life, we will remember that he is like living water, endlessly flowing, constantly nourishing, filling, cleansing, and redeeming the spirit of his children. (John 7:38) His timing is like that of a river flowing on a path that has already been laid out since the dawn of time, and He promises to show us the way if we surrender to His current. (Jeremiah 29:11) When we allow ourselves to be filled with His love, from the overflow comes fruit. For me its in the form of words that are lovingly designed to edify and strengthen the body of Christ and to continue the flow of living water that is our God, our father in Heaven, and lover of my soul.

Ps. Thank you Dave for reminding me that water is such a wonderful way of picturing how God moves.

Lauren Vopatek

Reflection

Sunday morning and light streamed in from the tall curtained windows reflecting along the old wood floor beneath my feet. Reflection, what a beautiful and complex word that now resonated in my mind. In this case, of the glorious sun and the old and weathered floor, reflection means the phenomenon in which a wave of transmitted light is softly bounced back from the surface that it touches. Light literally shines down from above and whatever that light so graciously touches it is either absorbed to never be seen again or it is reflected to shine as if it had produced that glorious light from its very own being. What an amazing and interesting concept. How amazing that one can shine marly by being shined on. What a wonderful concept that now trickled through my mind this beautiful Sunday morning.

The music ceased and an introduction was made, as the man who was introduced glided softly along the weathered floor. Before he even spoke there was a glow. There was a new glow, not from the floor now beneath him, but a glow that reflected directly from him, streaming like the soft glow you see from the sun just as its last bit of light sinks into the horizon at sunset. A glow that can only come from a source, but where? Was it the sun sprinkling him with the same light that the floor beneath so graciously received, or something else? He began to speak, and his eyes had a passion that could not only be seen but felt as a rush went down my spine causing goose bumps on my arm. He was lit up, his words were sparkling, and he was reflecting from a source much brighter than him. His joy was contagious, and his light began to shine on the ten rows of seats that stretched now before him. Laughter broke from the bodies casually filling the seats, and a pure joy was felt amongst the room as if it streamed directly in and out of each person absorbing the words that this man so naturally spoke.

If one were to walk in unknowing to this makeshift bar turned church, they may have thought unassumingly this must be a show. This must be a skit designed to make people laugh, a bystander may have thought, but these ten rows of people so intent on his words, knew it was something else. His words were not jokes designed to make us laugh, but words of truth, and as he spoke we began to realize the light that this man was so lovingly reflecting upon us was not the sun at all but the Joy of Jesus. God was his light source, he was the weathered floor and we were receiving the glorious reflected light of our Father in Heaven.

As he spoke of his love for God and the love God had for his family, there were tears that welled to the surface of his soft gentle eyes. There was an out pouring of emotion as Jesus filled him with so much light He couldn't keep it all contained. Light was streaming from his eyes and hands and mouth as he spoke touching the ones that sat now so intent on his voice. What a wonderful man, I thought as he spoke of his lovely wife, adoring children and his life dedicated to following Jesus Christ. How amazing, I thought, that God has shined so graciously on this mans life that he would be able to not only absorb that light but reflect it on others for the purpose of spreading Gods Joy and Love.

His speech culminated, and it seemed as if he could have continue forever and no one would have minded. For me, as I meditated on his illuminating words, all I could think was what a beautiful example of an intimate relationship with God. How amazing and deep it was, to know God so well that there is no doubt in his mind of what would make God joyful. There is no doubt in his mind of what God wants for his life and no doubt in his mind of how much he is loved. Isn't that what true relationship is though? We marry, and we want nothing more than to love this person and be loved back. We want that person to know us so well that they know exactly how to love us, and we want to know them so well that we know exactly how to love them.

Its amazing that God wants this very thing for our relationship with him. He wants us to be vulnerable and open and willing to allow him into our space. He wants to move into our life just as we do when we allow our husband or wife to move into our home. He wants to know how we want to be loved so he can love us that way and he wants to shower us with gifts that go beyond material things. He wants to be in relationship with us. He is not a God who is distant but God who so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (I John 3:1) He is not a God who withholds but the Father of lights that every good gift and every perfect gift comes from.( James 1:17) He is our greatest comforter (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) and He gave up everything He loved so that He might gain our affection. ( Romans 8:32)

Our God wants a true and honorable relationship with us. He wants us to choose him, to say yes to him and to live a life with him learning about each other. He wants a relationship with us that fills our hearts so much that our Joy has no where else for it to go but reflect on to the ones that come in contact with our lives. He is already in love with you, you just have to say yes.

My God, how wonderful He is, and how amazing his sweet love is for my heart and soul. Never again will I look at the suns reflection and marly see a phenomenon of light waves bouncing off a surface, but I will see God and his shining sign of love for me pouring out amongst the world.

God Bless,

Lauren Vopatek